I love Fridays......must be something ingrained after years of working the old Monday through Friday routine....I still wake up excited that it's FRIDAY!!!!
Aramis is up to 100mg of Seroquel now, and looks like a child who didn't sleep a wink...it makes him that tired. Well, let's just hope he adjust's over time, as he still has another 50mg to go with the daily increases. He can "see" now he says, which means that the spots and monsters aren't blocking his view anymore, and he is actually giggling and playing a lot more.
So, definitely the paranoia that "brother or someone" is out to get him has passed......whew! That was a challenging one to handle: it is real or is it not? Especially as in his mind, the "thing" could cause pain, and he would have (again: in his mind) true wounds from these creatures. Let it not be brother that touched his arm, as then he was to blame. But, let's celebrate the fact that at least this component of schizophrenia is relieved by medication.
I'm off of Saphris, which now has taken away the ultra-energy it provided.....but that's fine, as I will gladly trade that for the nasty side effects. It appears that so far the facial twitches are still to remain, and make for an interesting face at times.....but maintain hope that these too will fade in time.
I'm back to having to take a nap daily, but in reality 6am to 12am is a long day anyway. It's been my schedule forever, so naps aren't such a bad thing, in fact highly recommended by the powers that be...i.e. the psychiatrist. I'm just grateful the boys can be trusted for nap time, but frankly, the alternative is that they take a nap too. What motivation to not have any problems!
Dante simply completed his homework, and Aramis checked on me to make sure I was still present and accounted for. I know HE won't hesitate to wake me up.......
We're supposed to have rain all weekend.....now does TX plan to ruin any opportunity to dive into our delicious pool? I'm told to just wait, it'll get ridiculously hot and the pool will be ready. But for now: rain with drought warning signs all over the area. It's Texas for ya'!
Oh, someone asked for the ribbon link for facebook, let me get that. May is Mental Health Awarness month, so if you follow the uber easy directions, you can attach a green ribbon to your facebook profile picture. Let me see.....okay, here's the link: http://www.picbadges.com/mental-health-awareness/2543395
I think you may need to be logged into facebook for the link to work, so be aware of that. Still, 1:4 Americans suffer from Mental Illness, and those are simply the individuals who have come forward.
I'm doing alright.....no nightmares and only flashbacks in relation to writing. That's to be expected. But I do notice a difference without the Saphris, as I can hear the insiders more. That's normal to me, so I'm glad to have things as they "should be" in my world. Perhaps this drug will work well for others, for me: nah, not for my system. I actually woke up to someone inside singing this morning, and has been every day this week.....so really: what do I have to complain about?
Well, today is "Art Friday", so I'm off to make the paste for paper mache animals. They haven't made these before, and I thought it would be a good exercise to help Aramis reconnect with his fine motor skills. We'll be making Orca's.....sounds messy and fun all at the same time!
Then to put together a few more chapters of Book II.
I received my copies of "Letters From the Inside Out" yesterday.....how very exciting! Now, I have to turn around and send them to the various agencies that have requested copies......ahhh, and they just arrived!
Have a grand day everyone....it's Friday, and the birds are chirping. I actually had to foresight to FEED the baby sparrows before writing today! They are appreciative of my awareness.....as they're quietly pecking away now. Some times it does benefit one to think ahead!
Treat yourselves kindly......and may you find a corner of peace in the world today.
And Anna: you are special, even if no one says so. Just look deep into the mirror every day, and you'll see what we see.
Shelly
My mind is officially blank this morning......and it's Thursday. Well, that's one good thing, the week has passed, and all the little drama's with it. I am feeling the effects now from not having Saphris, didn't realize how much it did, and didn't do. I don't miss the side effects, but the mania was cool in that I had energy.....it was the down sides that weren't fun. Sad, that mania can be fun for the person, yet there is always a flip side.
Aramis had his dosage of Seroquel upped last night, and woke with two hives. Hmmmm, need to watch that. Let's just hope a hungry skeeter got him, and it's not a side effect. He's sleepy this morning, so I can only imagine what he'll wake like when the full dosage begins. He's at 75mg now, still need to work our way to 150mg.
He told me yesterday that he had a teacher in UT who would put a shock collar on him and said it was "safe", but if he didn't answer right he was shocked, and it wasn't safe, as it hurt and was embarrassing. Okaaaay.......what to say again? Oh yeah, we're supposed to say: "Wow, that's terrible......so sorry that happened to you." Dante, being the lawyer in training went off on it, proclaiming it illegal and that the teacher should be arrested. I'm obviously going to have to explain a bit more to Dante about schizophrenia.
I hate the answers we're supposed to give, the child needs validation, but isn't this encouraging the belief system that what they thought was true is indeed true? I know it didn't happen, anyone would know it didn't happen, (unless he claimed we did it, and a social worker asked!!!!), but the psychiatrist says to validate, don't correct as it confuses the person even more.
Soooo, Aramis has a camera that he can take photos of all these things with. He's finally realizing that there are many things we can't see. And yes....he's upset that only he can see them. So I understand the psych, after all, if he's upset that he can't catch "them" on camera, then how would he feel if every event was disclaimed? I get it.....but sometimes, it's tiring.
And was I tired by early evening.......I actually went to bed with Aramis at 8. That's it, I'm going to sleep, it's been an active day since 6am, and I'm done for. I had to remember that I wrote two chapters, and edited 6 more on top of the "normal" activities for the day!
I had phone calls galore to agencies, as they weren't communicating with each other. The first told me "good luck, no one has been able to get the (Agency B) to talk with any of us (Agencies A, C and D). I said, well, I've been known to get the most emotionally locked up to speak, and some even suspect that I could get a brick wall to respond, so I'll give it a try.
Low and behold: you know, if you tell someone that you're not getting off the phone until you have resolution of a particular sort, they actually will work with you? Okay, I did say that "I'm stubborn, and that I've been able to get brick walls to respond, I'm just curious, which is he? A bureaucratic brick wall or a human being? I'll wait for him to let me know......" and got a laugh fortunately, for that not very polite statement.
But action was accomplished, and many, many phone calls later I had the solution I wanted. Geeesh, I thought I retired from advocacy and social work. Nope, one never retires, as now I'm an advocate still, just for clients closer to home.
Well, the latest state husband has been told is: get this.....drum roll please.............tattattattatttt.........UT!
Didn't we just come from UT?
Okay, well at least I'll know my way around.
The chances are pretty good, so that means we'll be back with the psychiatrist who was awesome! yet prescribed waay more medication than the current psychiatrist would agree with. Okay.....they each have their opinions. But, he knows Aramis already, and knows me, so UT has some benefits for psychological care. Add to that, we have insurance now, albeit expensive insurance, but we won't have the worry over hospital visits for Aramis.
I still can't take in that we've already been to the ER with him, and had an ambulance ride....all the while he's in full psychosis.
Strange....I find myself angry with the disease......but recognize that it's a normal part of the stages of acceptance. And yes, I'm angry with my mother, as I recognize now so many of the same symptoms that my brother demonstrated at this very young age. If he only had been helped, medication and proper care really does make a difference.
Aramis is lucid now, although we might not like what he is lucid about, he's able to articulate. Who wants to be locked in their head with so many negative thoughts? Or, in the case of schizophrenia: voices that are actually outside telling him what to believe, his value, and what other people are going to "do" to him? I am angry that my brother didn't get the help or at least relief from the symptoms. I'm angry that this condition causes damage to the brain that is irreversible if treatment is not sought early. I'm angry that no one stepped up and told my mother to get help.
So, I guess I'm not totally blank this morning.
I still have several phone calls to return for Agencies C and D.....but I'll get those little monsters tackled today.
Good news? I had Aramis play with home made play dough yesterday to "warm up his fingers" before school work. He exclaimed: "Hey, with this new medication, I can finally SEE my hands!!!" Hmmmm, didn't know they had disappeared. Well, (what am I to say again?) oh: "Glad they're back....hands are really important." He agreed....wholeheartedly.
Off to start the day........my little sparrows are lined up again and squawking up a storm.....geesh, what are you going to do when we move? You are eventually going to have to eat seed from the many bird feeders around here ya' know!
Have a positive and uplifting day today everyone! Find a wee bit of sunshine in the day, it's sure to be present.
And..... Anna: you're delightful......don't forget!
To the individual who wrote me yesterday and is struggling with suicide right now: we've been there, each of us, in our own way at one time or many others. You refer to secrecy, and not wanting anyone to know. That's an old message....but really, right now, it's too much to take on. Call the hotline, and tell all your insiders that secrecy is still being maintained. It's okay, this is a safe place to talk, as they keep secrets too. But get help......you've reached out this far, it's just a little farther to call the hotline. But do it for yourself........okay, do it for the sake of the system or unit. You are the one with strength right now, recognize it, get help, then deal with things one step at a time. Your system will eventually thank you for it....but the action is in your hands right now, you are the one in control, so take the reigns...you can do it. And secrecy shall be maintained when calling the hotline. If that seems a shocking step, then get an emergency call into your therapist. But you are the one your internal system is relying on right now. You'll get through this, just reach a little further and get help. We're here......DID and suicide is serious, so recognize that it's okay to be the strong one and get help. You're not alone, many of us have been in this very same position. Getting help was the best thing we could have done, and did appear daunting at the time. In retrospect: it was the best decision to make. Get help for yourself, you've come too far already to lose that now.
Shelly
Aramis is doing much better, but, and this is a huge "but", he also has to now have his medication increased quickly from 50mg to 150mg. Quickly, as in within 7 days.....so we'll see if he maintains the clarity and the psychosis remains at bay. One eye hurts, I think that's from the Saphris, as I had eye-ball-popping headaches from it, and usually on one side. Otherwise, he's a relatively happy camper, with the realization kicking in that he can no longer satisfy his sweet tooth nightly.
I pondered and pondered how to present the risk factors regarding obesity and diabetes to him, without establishing a foundation for "fat issues". Especially as I struggle daily with anorexia, I am very concerned that the subject be discussed in a healthy manner without feeding into any of the stereotypes that are presented to us daily via the media.
Then it occurred to me: simply tell him how the medication will react with his body, at a level he can comprehend. So, I told him that the medication fights the schizophrenia, but it also fights sugar....and when it fights with the sugar it causes damage to the body. So we have to make sure we don't give the medication any sugar to fight with. Only one morning cup of cocoa, as that is okay, but nothing more.....got it? This medicine will bounce around and fight the sugar so much, that his body on the inside will get hurt. He got it......and I'm more than a teeny bit impressed that I found a way to address Mr. Sweeties. I swear, sometimes the ol' brain works!
I'm up to Chapter 9 in my second book, this time focusing on the Kingdom Hall and what is was like to be raised in it. Slow going, the general story line is difficult, but flows.....it's all the research that I feel should be added so that it also contains an informational foundation. My outline is around 30 chapters, although a few ended up blended together as it made much more sense when the writing began to pour forth. Still, I'm going to have to attach a glossary, as there are so many words that are used only within the organization itself. This publication is not meant to be a dissection of scriptural doctrines as so many others are...but an insiders view of what it's like to be a child, and to grow up within this sort of structure. A very isolated organization indeed.
I sold a second copy of my first book yesterday! Wooohooo! And have three request for submissions of the publication for review, so keep the fingers crossed on those. I did find out from someone that the link on my website wasn't the correct one to use, so she kindly sent the link that she used to purchase the book from amazon.com. I was able to fix the error within minutes, and am so appreciative of kind souls who take the time to let you know about those little things. I could access the original link, of course I could, the computer recognized ME, but required anyone else to "sign up". Who wants to sign up for another website? Now the link works, takes you directly to Amazon.com, and to the specific page with "Letters From the Inside Out" on it for ordering.
On a different subject, the apartment complex we live in had a pizza party scheduled last night, that Aramis was completely looking forward to. Well, it was canceled, and we only found out as we approached the door to the club room......ahhh, poor darling. He held it together until we returned to our home, and then the flood banks let loose. I held him quietly until he was settled again......but in reality: a much better reaction than we usually would have seen. Both boys were bummed, but we got through the emotional part of it. Aramis just had himself so prepared with going out and dealing with strangers, that the abrupt cancellation was a little too much to handle. He looks like his cheery self this morning though, so maybe, just maybe this medication will be "the one" after all. Geesh, it feels like dating......."will this med be 'the one'?"
Both boys went through their homework nicely yesterday......Aramis cried and pouted for only 30 minutes this time, instead of the usual ENTIRE school session. It's not that hard people! But, as is typical, it's not until afterwards that they both say: "Gee, that was easy!!!" Uh huh, it's supposed to be easy....a lot of work goes into making it as easy as possible.
Dante STILL wants to know why we can't "chop the brain into quadrants", and simply replace the section with another donor part, or a robotic one to compensate for mental illness? Hmmmmmm.......uh, that's not in our lesson plan. No, really I told him it's for his generation to figure out how to accomplish, as my generation is just now figuring out what portions of the brain do what, and even that they haven't gotten very far in understanding. Still: he makes me wonder sometimes just where he gets these ideas.
But then again, this is the same child who thinks I should run for President.....he believes the world would be a better place, and there would be no war. Really?
Husband was just told that the next job may be an aquarium in Baltimore......okay? By this point in the job cycle, I hear state names almost weekly. You really don't know until the last minute, and then you have two weeks or two days to prepare for "the move". It doesn't matter, I can pack in two days, and unpack in one, so I'm accustomed to it by now. For husband, he likes a bit more information, so its frustrating to say the least. He's the kind of person who likes to have access to the blueprints even before we leave......so he has to adjust more than he likes.
But the current exhibit is moving along nicely, and minus any more tornadoes (how do you pluralize "tornado"?), everything should move along according to plan. Looks like moving should occur around June, don't know WHERE, but that's not really a big deal now is it?
Well, have a grand day everyone.......looks like a muggy one here in TX.
Glad to hear that Seattle is letting you get a little sunshine! I remember how the sun simply pops out one day, after months of gray in that area.....enjoy it Marcus!!
And Anna: you're a darling, don't let anyone tell you different!
Shelly
I was just starting to write, when oldest boy comes out with a handwritten note from his younger brother, Aramis: "mom im hungry"
Okay, so the boy can write....it's still freakishly early, and although his note is cute as a button, I know he's sitting there with a cup of dad's famous hot chocolate. He will live a few more minutes......but I have to admit: I love it when I get notes. I find them tucked under my keyboard with little quips of appreciation, other times, they are hand delivered, with adorable misspellings, and are gentle requests from five feet away.
For a number of reason, schizophrenia just being one of them, we have a rather regular schedule. Things have to be that way......and life moves rather peacefully along if we maintain it. So, the note is merely a reminder of what the next "event" is......which is cool, as it means that his mind is working better this morning.
We were able to get into the psychiatrist yesterday on an emergency basis. He said that it was absolutely perfect that I did research and took myself off Saphris. However, I didn't feel comfortable making the same decision for Aramis, so hence the appointment. He immediately took him off Saphris, said we both hit too many of the "bad" side effects, and that Aramis was in the midst of pure psychosis. Yeup, thought so, but to be honest, I'm starting to get very familiar with this.
He's now on Seroguel....yes, "the one" we were trying to avoid. But, hopefully, as long as he gets exercise and eats very well, he can avoid the diabetes and weight gain issues connected to the drug. What we cannot avoid is the involuntary body movements that accompany the drug.....which, unfortunately are permanent. I'm to "watch" for these.....but the reality is that they accompany almost all the drugs used to treat schizophrenia.
Also: he'll be sleepy....so make sure he gets 12 hours of sleep. Hmmmm, tell that to the boy who wakes up every morning at 6am. This medicine takes 3 hours to put him to sleep, he can't have a full meal within the approximate time of taking it, and......well, anyone who has been down the drug road before knows there's an entire host of rules and guidelines to follow. Especially when it comes to children. I have to take him from 50mg to 150mg in 7 days. Woah....that's a jump, while watching the entire time.
THIS is why the psychiatrist says home schooling, as the medicinal phases really put a crimp in educational plans for weeks at a time. But at this point, the psychiatrist looked at his homework samples, and I'll be darned, he almost started crying. Just kept apologizing, and replying that he was trying to keep Aramis on the most gentle of drugs first. Now: it's the real deal drugs, so let's see what the drug-roulette table brings us.
Aramis, sweet little man that he is, said: "You don't have to say your sorry.....you just don't. But please don't give me a medicine that won't let me wake up to have my morning time with dad....he makes me hot cocoa, and we visit together. Don't change that....but take the voices and the spots and the stuff in my head away."
Still: the psychiatrist was very sorry indeed, and explained it to him the best he could. Saphris worked for about two weeks, then Blam! The psychosis came back, up the dosage, two weeks later Blam! The psychosis returns......hey, it's almost like a dance.
I had reached the end of my rope last night.....that's it. I'm done, finished, finito.........husband received some bad news from another quarter, I couldn't find the pharmacy per his instructions, and it was hot outside. Oh, and Dante decided to start arguing about everything......and that was it. I'm done.....I took the boys for a walk after supper jus tto get some fresh air and calm down. Exercise is so very good for the psyche.
Husband was a sweetheart though, solved a few problems, I handled Dante, Aramis got his new medicine in, we adapted to the new medicine routine, which changed other routines, and then the day was FINALLY done.
Husband spent some time with me later last night out on our balcony, and we had a delightful time. He asked if we should make a regular date for "Whine Mondays"......so that we have one day where it's just the two of us, and we both get heard? Yeah.....it was nice, and is a great idea. So.....we now have "Whine Mondays" to look forward too.
Husband was notified that the next job is in Canada....but then the company remembered that he is one of "the guys" who travels with his family, and they don't send families across the border.....so, it will be another job. No clue yet, but we'll find out soon enough. Too bad about the Canada job, it was a huge one focused on an aquarium, and husband likes those.
However, as usual, on the flip side: aquariums have the most problems.......can you imagine the pre-checks for leakages? They happen, and they leak, and heads roll.....and repairs are made, and basically the whole routine repeats over and over until they are sure that the special little fishy can't get out, and the visitor won't get wet.
The last aquarium he worked on had a polar bear on one side of the glass, and sea otters on the other. Hmmmm, isn't that like a window display of bakery items just tempting you to find a way to bring that perfectly gorgeous chocolate cake home to devour? Well, it was the zoo's plan, including a walkway for people to watch the sea otters be terrified, while the Polar Bear circles and stares at snacks he can't get too.
On another branch of subject: Aramis has lost both short term memory and fine motor coordination. Well, the short term memory may return with the change in medications. The fine motor.......hmmm, well, we're back to working with play dough and more clay. I have a few things lined up to work on those fingers (which incidentally can manipulate the PS3 keyboard just fine!!!) but can't hold a pencil or a fork very well anymore. Pencil? I'd think behavioral issue, but fork? Nope....too much motivation for for behavioral issues to be a component.
The psychiatrist asked what "we" would do as far as finding another drug for me instead of Saphris? I was adamant....more so than I even realized. Nope, leave me alone with my three meds already, and I'll be happy. Minus the facial twitches that I hope are not permanent as the bottle says they can be. Nope......don't mess with what's working please.
The doctor did say that he needs to do a lot of pschological testing with Aramis, and has some very talented doctors already lined up to do so, but until the psychosis is addressed, we can't proceed. So, another step in the progress of the treatment for schizophrenia. Apparently there are medications, but you "have to find the right one". Oh goody......but, it's far better than doing nothing at all, as gray matter is lost with every passing day. An MRI will probably be scheduled at some near point to determine the damage that has already been done. Until then: we need to find a magic pill for the psychosis.
Ugggh.......but when I feel like this, I always try to remind myself that it's much more difficult for Aramis than it is for me. I'm an adult, and I have far more strength and comprehension than he does. So, try to remember that he is facing this from an entirely different perspective.
As Aramis will be asleep most of the day adjusting to his new med, it's home schooling for Sir Argument. Now: this child really, really needs to become a lawyer. Really.......
Me? I'm "fine", and we all know what that means!!! But for now, I'll get another cuppa with the fantastic creamer that husband brought home, and feed my baby sparrows who dropped their bread on the ground. They're lined up again.......squeaking and squawking to no end.
Hey! Two red cardinals came to the feeder yesterday! That was a treat.......so more bread to go along with the bird seed that the babies seem to not prefer yet.
I just may be able to accomplish a few more chapters of my second book, if all goes well today. Aramis is highly emotional so far today.....we we'll see.
Have a wonderful day everyone....may it be peaceful, warm and safe.......
Shelly
Well, for all intents and purposes, I woke up thinking it was still the weekend. Bummer, husband was dressed for work, and checking everything three times for his "chaw".....poor baby, lost it somewhere. I did help, but no findee.
So, now that I realize it is indeed Monday, I also realize that I'm switching like mad, well: I went off Saphris. By yesterday, I had the muscle twinges that "can become permanent" and are indicative of stopping the medication immediately. Fortunately there are no withdrawals known as yet....so I feel "okay" other than I lost a bit of the organization that the medication provided.
Oh well, I'd rather have that than the twitches...one was a half smile which made me look like I was flirting constantly. Of course, it was on the side of the mouth that has the dimple......the eye twitch was bothersome in that I had great difficulty putting my makeup on for Easter. We managed.......
Easter was sweet, except poor Aramis was stabbed by some wild child with a stick and he fell badly during the sack race. He was livid, as this time it was a real person who did it to him, and mom was video taping so he had proof!!!! I didn't think so highly of the wee darling, as I found him trying to stab our service dog with the same stick. Not cool.....I got "shot" by the stick for the ugly face I made at him as he ran away...but I know from the boys that I can make some pretty ugly faces when I'm not happy with certain behaviors. And the parents would have wondered why a 5# little dog bit their child....never did find the parents in the mob. But I was "shot" a few more times by the little tyrant.
Dad saved the day, as Aramis was sobbing and not in a great place by the time we got home. We have a tradition, as they know there is no Easter Bunny, that we have them "hide" in a room while we set out a trail of jelly beans to goodies at the ends. This time the trail divided, and the boys were delighted. They found the play station in no time at all.... (must be a signal that the PS3 emits to attract children, it was well hidden!) ...and after several frustrated hours Dad had all their old progress applied to the new system. Not one cussword, so I give the man loads of credit on that one. I couldn't have done it.......seems simple, but it's far more complicated than giving birth!
Ahhhh, Aramis now has his "zone out machine" which, according to him, makes the voices less bothersome, and by his affect, it's true. I have my motivator back for homework, as they get time on the machine in the morning, while I write, but after that: they have to earn time by completing assignments. I don't expect chores, but good attitude obedience when asked to do something that any normal person would do (like taking your garbage TO the trash can?) they get credit for. Sometimes, it's a little daunting for Aramis, but it works none the less.
The boys went fishing yesterday, caught three Blue Gill, too small to eat, and they don't like the taste of Blue Gill anyway....so back into the murky water of White Rock Lake they went. Just then dad saw a Water Moccasin, and then another, and then another....well, looks like they will find a new fishing spot! I had found one on our walk several week ago.....so I had my suspicions.....but didn't realize there were so many.
The Koi fish that dad and Aramis found on the lawn (after the waters receded from the recent rains, don't know how it got to the center of a lawn, with no lakes around, must have been a hugely flooded area at the time) has now been returned to a lovely little pond area, complete with ferns and a small waterfall. Ahhhh, fish nirvana.....and I have a bathtub that is getting several cleanings of comet cleanser! I'm sure in some Kharmic way, Aramis will benefit from saving such a lovely fish, and we enjoyed having him for the two weeks we gave him to get healthy again.
Aramis had a spell last night....crying because "I will have schizophrenia my entire life".......WAaaailllLLLL. Well, yes, you will. And you will also have brown eyes, and a cute button nose. Want to know something else? I will always love you, and that's worth more than anything else. So, can you tell me why schizophrenia is so bad? Well, no....other than he's terrified of going to sleep. Okay....well, you'll be asleep quickly because of your ineffective medication, and I'll be here. So, any other problems? (Other than changing the medication with the psychiatrist?) Nope....okay kiddo, off to sleepy-ville please.
I'm going to try my hardest to see if we can get him into the psych doc today to change his meds. As it takes sooooo long to work through the phases of a new medication, we need to get him in now. Additionally, the medication he's on, is the same one they gave me, and I'm having side effects that are considered "warnings". Soooo, say a wee prayer that the appointment slot is open somewhere in today's schedule, otherwise it's later in the week.
My goodness.....there's a wee baby sparrow sitting just a few feet from the puppy and I, and he's telling ME to get him more bread. Excuse me? Yeas....now he has his siblings, and they are all looking at me and chirping loudly. Good lawd.....I'm being bossed around by a group of baby sparrows! What will the day be like? They're still staring........
I did manage to complete a few more chapters of Book II......but finally found myself at a point where I really needed to walk away. Glad I enjoy housework so much, as it does provide a break. I also had loads of work to do to prepare for home school this week, as Aramis has deteriorated to the point that he's lost two grade levels. Okay, so back to first grade for him, with all it's print outs, and everything modified to accommodate his challenges. Whew...that was a big job. The other side is that Dante is progressing quicker, so he needed things bumped up.....the grade level between them is growing ever wider. Coffee, and several cigs, and I had it finished within several hours.
Then, to pull out homework that Aramis did pre and post medication with Saphris. That was scary for a parent to look at....pure psychosis.....and yes, the psychiatrist has asked for them, and will definitely be getting them as soon as we get in.
But for now: I have a line of baby sparrows screeching at me.......well, we can't have them waiting all day can we?
Have a warm and peaceful day everyone!
Anna: take care of yourself....you ARE truly special!!!!
Shelly
Okay, okay, so the boys are excited about today being the big Egg Hunt day. Me? Well, I do like egg salad, so it's alright. I just like seeing the excitement on their faces really. They KNOW there's no Easter bunny, and as we are not religious, there are no church connections whatsoever.....so for them, it's like Halloween, minus the scary things and it's Spring. Sounds cool from a kids perspective.
I've been having a lot of reactions to the new drug they put me on: Saphris, so I've decided after much thought, and talking it over with my observant outsider husband; that I shall taper off, then meet with doc. It's been since he upped the dosage, so I'll take it back to the half tablet, confirm with him, fight with him if I have to, but get off this med. I hate it......and if I hate it, then it's not working.
It's too "new" of a drug for the docs to know everything about it, which is another huge concern. But the side affects are of a bigger worry for me right now. Nope, don't like 'em, and you can't make me. (Gee, is that a little or myself talking? I don't know.....but I do know I'm stubborn. And the mind blowing, eye popping headaches aren't cool!)
Aramis, sadly is worsening. Yes, he can sleep, and yes he is much more articulate. Yeah for that. But he sees spots all day, creatures and has delusions. Further, he now believes his brother is going to try to kill him, which causes countless battles throughout the day, as it appears brother "is going to do it". On the other hand, the voices tell him to kill himself, and he must obey. He just can't figure it out, so with all honesty he has asked me for help. He knows what they mean for him to do: to die, to cease to exist, to be gone forever. Since I didn't provide an answer but instead talked to him about schizophrenia.....he went to Dad. Maybe Dad can help him figure out how to kill himself? But stop Dante in the meantime. And did Dad know that they still talk to him all day? He can't take it anymore. Ahhhh, poor, poor sweatheart.
Yes, we're bumping his appointment up to this week, and getting the pdoc to change medications as soon as possible, otherwise, we're looking at intake to a psych ward. A little older? And he'll have it figured out how to kill himself. Right now, we have all the obvious things hidden, knives, meds, etc. He just can't figure it out......but he will.
And a Good Morning to you!!!! ;(
This condition really takes its toll, mostly on the person who suffers from it.
For a parent with DID, these are trigger words, and not what one needs nor ever wants to hear from their child. Especially a beautiful 8 year old. At least I'm not triggered, but as usual: the house is very clean. It seems the more I feel like I can't fix something, the cleaner the house gets. I can do that at least. In some strange way it helps.....my psyche feels that at least something has been accomplished.
The other negative component for DID, is that this darling child is telling me things, that I then tell husband and psychiatrist. They sound out of this world, but I grew up with schizophrenia, so it's time to fight flashbacks. Then, I wonder: did my baby just say this, or am I having a flashback? He couldn't possibly be doing and hearing the same things as "they" did. Will the doctor believe me? Since, you can ask Aramis 15 minutes later and the story is different. Now it's creatures, or bunny rabbits or spots that he sees, but they don't talk to him. Wait another 15 minutes, and it's back to "how do I kill myself Momma? If I could do it, then the voices will be quiet, and I can make the schizophrenia go away." But you'll be gone baby...."that's okay, I don't like how I feel anyway....and they won't be quiet".
Okaaaay.......Well the good news is that Aramis loves, LOVES to go out with Dad on a walk. So, he told Dad what he's been telling me......ahhhh. The relief, as I'm not the sole "secret keeper" again. This time someone else, who is unconnected to a degree from schizophrenia, is hearing the same dialog. It was 'nice' in a twisted way to see how another parent reacts.
Yes, it's shocking, heart breaking and downright scary to realize that if you don't intercede, your child will succeed someday. And this isn't the success we had in mind!
At least I'm not "crazy", and I heard correctly. The psychiatric nurse said she noticed I take concise notes on Aramis' dialog....and she knows why. Of course I do....two days later, I can truly wonder if what I heard was correct! Add to that, Dante is arguing more than ever. I have a chart to document just how many arguments vs agreeable acts go on throughout the day, as the psychiatrist likes documents and I can give an answer based on facts; not my feelings at the moment. He averages 50% of each, which means for each argument, there's one equally agreeable act.
Geeze louise....but I also know from dialog with him, as he takes after me and will talk openly, is that he is grieving because he realizes he has lost his brother. His brother.....is really gone for all intents and purposes, and he now lives with schizophrenia. Aramis wants everyone to know that it's "always been happening". Yeah, we know baby.....we know. So, Dante is going through his own stages of acceptance, and has definitely not come to the acceptance part of things yet. Still, even when he does, the reality is that in many ways he has lost his brother. Their lives have been dramatically changed, and yes, schizophrenia moved in like phlegm with a cold, yet there's no way to cough it out.
On a more positive note: check out my facebook page, as I don't have the link here.....but May is mental health awareness month, and you can easily attach a green ribbon to your profile picture via the link. Let's spread the support out there! Just find me on facebook, scroll down, I put the link up to the website that will help (easy as pie) you attach the ribbon to your profile pic.
I found out from husband yesterday that he still hasn't told his parents about Aramis' condition. Ah geee......why? He said he didn't want to worry them, what terrible news to share, etc. Well, of course, but still: they need to know. It's their grandbaby, and he needs their support as well. He says he'll do so this weekend. I can tell this is one dialog that will be very difficult for him. How does one tell the grandparents that their grandson has a diagnosis that is not ideal? IS there an ideal diagnosis? Well, there's certainly much more pleasant ones.
Shoot, if we could pick, I'm sure we'd go thru the DSM and find a better one for each of us. The strange/tragic thing with DID is that it's not a disease of any sort, but instead came about due to trauma. Now that: the trauma related part is what each of us would gladly trade in. The DID get's pretty easy to navigate, but it's the trauma that causes the problems. It's kinda like buying a car, you have to read the fine print: "This condition is not so bad, and you can learn to live a relatively functioning life with it....but (in even smaller print) you will have flashbacks, trauma related physical ailments, severe PTSD, and dissassociation." Sign me up!!! Oh, I already did... (no pun intended).
I recieved an email from a delightful lady yesterday who has a meet up chapter for DID in Portland, OR. She also referred me to another meet up coordinator in Orlando, FL who actually has arranged events for DID'ers to meet for conferences and such. What a small world we have now, the internet has certainly changed things. So, for you who are in Portland: good news!!! You do have a group nearby of fellow DID'ers, and all their counterparts. Spread the word........and stop the hiding, or at least reach out and find someone who see's the world the same way you do.
What a great letter she sent, and such a positive spirit this lady has. Just check out "Meet Up.com" and look under the category: DID. Then you can narrow it down to your area......there are people all over with DID who are looking to form organized groups to meet face to face for encouragement, education and support.
Well, that's about it from my corner of TX........We had family movie night last night (Hop of course!!!), and the boys are slowly waking up. I need to send Dad to the store (uggh! he doesn't know it yet, poor soul) to pick up a few Easter things that were forgotten.
Have a lovely day today....and realize: it's Spring. Beyond any other familial beliefs, or connotations, it's simply SPRING.
And all the birds at my feeder are singing its praises!!!
Shelly
Well, the beautiful thing about Friday is that the weekend is literally hours away, it's payday, so since I've been out of cigs as of 3pm yesterday, I am now able to happily puff away like a dragon. (Okay, I know it's bad......I tell myself at least I wasn't smoking when the boys surprised us with their presence, nor during their early years....anything beyond that, I don't go there.) And, Aramis has a "date" to go fishing.....he is literally counting down the hours until Dad brings home the worms.
Today makes two entire weeks that the boys went to sleep without me holding them. Now, that has taken years to bring about, and doesn't necessarily mean that they won't sneak into bed with me around 4am, but for now: I'll celebrate what I've got. Two weeks, I can lay Aramis down, and he will agree to "checks". "I love you honey, good night (kiss), I'll check back in 10 minutes, okay?" He agrees, and is out.
Except last night Dad teased Dante about zombies, and I swear Aramis had to have heard him in his sleep. He was out.....deep into Sandmanville, when all of a sudden he comes bursting through the bedroom door frightened that we needed to be on "Zombie alert". Dad could have died, he felt so bad, but once again: Aramis went through the same steps, this time with reminders to breathe and was asleep by the next "check". Ahhhhh.....what life used to be like before medication. That one teeny comment/joke would have sent him off into the land of terrors for hours.
But, he did spend about 45 minutes with me yesterday, just talking. Hmmmmmm, Aramis does a lot of things, tackles a lot of monsters, spiders, bees, and basically every terrifying thing that could happen to a person in a week, and does quite well. The only thing is: these events never happened! Never....I've been here all week, and no, they didn't happen. I know I didn't lose all week, just as I know he didn't fall from the upper balcony. But, in his mind, he did. It appears that the medication does not remove delusions......as this is the SAME child who still requires escorts to any room that I'm not in, including, but not limited to: the bathroom.
I did receive some exciting news yesterday, and my email box was filled with wonderful notes from people all over regarding "the book". What struck me the most, was that a professor I had back at college, asked if I'd be willing to do a speaking engagement. She was concerned I might not be willing to, and understood if that was the case, but all the same: wow, didn't see that one coming. Yes, I'd be more than willing to speak on the subject of DID...... but the request surprised me a great deal.
And of course, the questions....what if I switch, what if I don't want to talk about something, what if.......oh shoot. A lot of "what if's" slow a person down in life. I think Rosanna Cash says it best of all: “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.”
Husband came home later than usual, as one of the company's big wigs came to visit, and of course, took the crew out. It appears that our next stop may be Rochester, NY. Hmmmm, I've been to NY, and Rochester, if I remember correctly, is beautiful. A strange blue green compared to the West Coast, which reminds one of many of the scenes in "The Last of the Mohiccans". I was struck by many things during my last trip to NY, and am very excited at the prospect of returning. This time, I am making sure to enjoy a few of the NY locations I missed on my last trip......so keep the 'ol fingers crossed on that one!
The boys are excited too, which only shows that children, even with challenges, can adapt to road travel much more than we feared. Even Aramis was jumping with delight......just to "see" a new place, and to experience a different culture, for yes, in America each State (we've learned) has it's own culture. It's the very essence of what the United States is all about. A melting pot? Well, perhaps....but each area is certainly unique unto themselves. I find it beautiful.
Ahhh, but poor Dexter (my fox-service-dog).....he just now figured out where our apartment is! Up until now, we've been finding all sorts of apartments that are not ours! But, through practice, he has finally "found it", and will sniff around for a few seconds, then tap the door with his nose to let me know: "this is it". What a sweet little dog he has turned out to be.....really, he has always been sweet. And he has learned, that if he is really concerned about something, to go UNDER the bed, and growl. Please, please do not do the "scream bark" that Pomeranian's are notorious for. We don't like it, no one does, and it really reduces the likelihood of receiving any treats. Ah, there's the trick: find what motivates, and you can get anyone, even a little fox dog to do just about anything.
Doubt it? Just watch how fast he comes running when husband makes Aramis' hot cocoa in the morning. That dog is a freak for whipped cream from a can. Personally, I think it's gross, but it's his huge motivator, and now husband is teaching him all sorts of tricks just for a dab of whipped cream. Really, people are the same way.
Dante, I'm learning, is not one to respond to typical punishments. I was much like this: you will take away a week of a certain activity? Well, then I'll tell my mind I didn't want to do that activity anyway, I'm bored with it. Soooo, he requires a different approach: direct, to the point, and then "would you like me to end, or continue with my lecture, 'cause I've got about two more hours I could go on with this subject?" No.....he got the point. Really, just focusing on one subject at a time works with him, and for now it is: respect. Everything, and everything possible can be tied into "respect", which is rather enlightening to me. I had no idea until we had to go down this path. So many of our daily interactions are based on the many various components of respect. It's astounding to say the least.
I'm doing okay with the DID.......this second book is much more triggering than the first, and I knew it would be. So last night, I decided that we needed a time out from the subject matter. I just stepped away from it.....but it helps that I only write in one area, and at a particular period of time, so I can maintain a boundary of sorts from my home life. I need the serenity that I've created within the home arena, and can't have it spoiled by tarnished memories.
I'm having the strange nightmares again, which only means that things are being brought to the surface. The good news is that I am actually getting sleep, so that helps a great deal. I hope, even if the psychiatrist changes Aramis' medication, that whatever is prescribed always has the component of making him sleepy at night. That makes all the difference.....if he can rest, then I can rest.
Well, that wraps it up for my corner of the world......we have art planned today, as one boy recommended one day a week to be dedicated to art solely. Cool, I can agree, and for negotiation purposes, I would like one day a week to be dedicated to MATH. Agreed? Well, what could they say? It's called "unschooling" and it's a new method of home schooling that's really taking off. I like the idea, and the flexibility it grants. And TX, just happens to be a state that requires very little by way of home schooling regulations. So......it will now be "Math Mondays" and "Art Fridays".
Sounds fun.......now, to get everything together for the "Math Monday"! Art is already organized, as I had a project prepared yesterday.
Take care of yourselves today....the weekend is just around the bend!
All my best wishes for peace and joy,
Shelly
Now, just for knowing that, I'm getting a cig, and will attempt to put my brain into gear.
So, let me see: what happened yesterday? The boys lived through home schooling, and actually had minimal meltdowns. Aramis realized (albeit late in the day) that he did not have the amount of homework equivalent to a full time college student......okay, yeah, I wanted to say: "What in the world? You have the easiest stuff I've ever seen?! All because your med makes it hard to concentrate!!!!" But I was niiiiiice.......let him figure it out, and he was happier for going through the process himself. (http://theopenmindacademy.weebly.com for the home school "work" they have to do.....geesh, it's not that hard!!!)
No tornado's......they're just weird. One day here, the next day: gone. I'll get used to it I suppose, earthquakes are much the same way, although there are aftershocks.....apparently there are NOT after tornado's. But who knows? I do know I won't be outside vacuuming during the next one!
Made the worst dinner in the history of dinners last night......took two boxes (different flavors) of what the boys call "Happy Hamburger", a pound of ground beef and leftover meatloaf.....it was gross. But, the family being the sweethearts they are: not one complained. This morning, as husband and I had our am coffee "date" together, I just had to confess: "Dinner was horrid last night!" He agreed...with a smile, but agreed. "Let's not have THAT ONE again!" Okay, so I don't bat a thousand at times........
Started research on my second book last night: I absolutely enjoy the night time, when the family is asleep. I get them all tucked in, one last clean of the house, and then the puppy and I trot out to the balcony. It's just quiet, and peaceful....the home is dark, with small lights glowing here and there, and I can think. It's wonderfully serene.....especially when I walk through and see each of their sleeping faces. Ahhhhh, the perfect time to write. But for now: just the research, as that takes a great deal of time, and really triggers the creative process. I keep getting ideas, and just jot them down as I go.....without the distractions I can really think and hear what my insiders have to say.
I've heard from quite a few friends recently, as I rejoined Facebook.....that's a joy, PURE JOY....to reconnect with people that I spent so much time with. It's great when you can pick up where you left off......and I must admit: I'm surprised at the support I've received regarding my book and the admission of DID. I mean: They didn't know I had it, as I never said anything. So, to tell the "secret" is a big scary deal, and much like a spider behind the toilet. He's not THAT big once you squish him.
Aramis and Dad have a "date" to go fishing on Saturday....all day. I asked husband "don't you need time alone? How can I help you in making that happen?" His reply? "I don't like it when you guys are away, when you take your walks, I can't wait for you all to come back. I'm fine....I'm actually uncomfortable when the house is empty."
Okay, well not me. And it's okay to accept that we are different. For me: when they leave, the number of people in the house is cut in half, well not proportionately, but is reduced at least. I actually spend some time meditating, as I have finally learned how to quiet everyone in my head....I love the quiet, the peacefulness of simply being centered. I feel balanced again, and that is worth more than anything else to me. So, he takes the boys out, and I get my time to meditate.
I like to be alone....don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I also enjoy spending long periods of time alone. ALONE....it's better than chocolate cake! I told him: "Well, at least know that this came from a place of love and support, but if you're communicating that you actually do not like to be alone, then no problem. Just wanted to check in." Odd how two people see the world completely differently, but it shouldn't be "odd"....as people are truly different.
Aramis is much more lucid now, so I keep hearing his interpretations of the world around him. "It's strange how our legs work". Okay???? Why? "Well they stand straight, but can bend. See?......." He's just simply aware of so much more now. However, he still sees spots all day long, and says to "worry just a little bit about it Mom.....maybe tell the psychiatrist". Well, I think I shall. ;)
However, his writing skills have been absolutely shredded....I'm not talking about creative writing, that was lost a little while ago, but now: it's the ability to form letters that he used to have mastered. Another thing to figure out with the psychiatrist....we see him in two weeks, so we'll see what he says. May be another med, or increase in dosage. I don't know.......just wait and see. For now: I have to write everything in pencil, and then have him trace. We did this in Kindergarten! But, he doesn't have a clue that it's a skill he lost, and when he does have to do independent writing, he ends up struggling. Still: I just blame it on the doctor, telling him the doctor wants to see how he writes "with help" and "without help". He then can settle down.....so basically three crying sessions yesterday because the "fingers won't work". They work, it's how his mind sees the letters that concerns me. Time....it's another one of those: wait and see the doc (time) situations. I can wait...and keep being patient.
He can draw though.....they both enjoyed art yesterday. And math, well, it's slowly improving. The doctor told me at our last visit that Aramis may have developmental delays because of the schizophrenia, so he wants samples of his homework. I can do that.....and they're interesting to say the least. He can see one number, one letter, and for some reason, it needs eradication. Everything else, can be fine, but that one letter.....for some unknown reason: is obliterated.
Dante is changing by the minute...it seems that my brothers and I matured physically early, and Matt can't remember what he did. BUT, I have a 9 year old who is changing before our very eyes. He now is aware of "girls", can understand humor on a deeper level, has strong opinions about politics, social structures, and society in general. He's dissecting philosophy, physics and the world around him.......he's not always right, but is adamant that he believes he is. He's easy in that regard, as I just let his ideas flow....he finds the answers and then is even more intrigued to uncover much more about life in general. If I didn't flow with his thoughts, he'd become discouraged with open dialog, and isn't that what we as adults actually do? We have ideas, thoughts, passions, and we share them......listening to others in the meantime. So, for now: we are working on the concept of "respect".
Respect.....something that many of us never truly received as children.....and what a beautiful thing to explore with a young man. All the nuances to the very subject, and what it means, how we display it, who deserves it, who doesn't (very few people really), and how to appropriately handle those situations. It's a much more complicated lesson than one would imagine.
Well, that's about it from my corner of the world here in Texas.....still, IMHO the most beautiful place I've ever seen.
Let's see if I can do a little better with dinner tonight!!!!!
Wishing everyone peace and joy today....you can find it.......I'm certain it will be there, we just have to look. And Anna: you are very, very special!
Have a good day everyone,
Shelly
Poor husband, he thought today was Thursday. For a moment there, I too became excited.....I mean: yeah! The week's almost done! But no, alas, my brain worked this morning, and I KNEW it was Wednesday. Well, at least I didn't lose a day......as then I would have had to write wondering what the ehll happened to Wednesday after all?
So, yes.......I, being a California girl, had no idea that the sirens that were blaring were NOT from the main office being broken into, the nearby hospital, a strange ambulance by a private company, or a malfunctioning fire alarm.
Apparently, when you hear the sirens, you are to take your children INSIDE and provide them safety from the windows. At least that's what people do who live in the Tornado Belt, or whatever they call it. ME? I was vacuuming the balcony carpet, and the boys were standing along the edge getting soaking wet. They did ask if they could go out and play in the huge, growing even huger puddles?.....but I did have part of a brain and told them to play with leggo's instead. After all, there was a lot of lightning and a strange odor in the air.
Aramis asked about the odor? I said it was ozone from the rain.....no, it was power lines bursting just a mile or so from us.
Husband and crew had already ordered $2000. of concrete, so the truck arrives, put's the lever on full speed, shoots it at them, and takes off. He said if OSHA knew, there'd be trouble.
Here are 6 guys, surrounded by rebar steel, and lightning all around. He also said the wind started to take the rain and spin it around them, circling them like they were in the center of a rotating shower head. They hid in the artificial tree they're making, standing on a steel spiral staircase! I mean: if lightning had intelligence, then that would be the most exciting place to crack!!! I'll attach photos.....you won't believe the risk they took.But what could they do? As soon as the concrete was released, they cleaned the hose, slipped and slid up the hill while the mud bank was falling back down onto their work, and ran home as quick as they could.
I figured he'd be home early, after all, there were golf ball size hail stones now......in no way did this West Coast girlie think for one moment "tornado". People were running everywhere, rushing to get into their apartments, and I figured: Texan's don't like rain.
How is it that I do not react to what other people just seem to know is danger? Now, I was honestly more worried about my poor little service dog eating a leggo, I took a balloon away as "it was a choke hazard", and did stop vacuuming when the hail stones were actually bouncing around the balcony that I was vacuuming. Nice to know I pay attention to some things!
But now: the weather is cold as can be, and gray. Very ugly, but I know it will pass, Texas has been beautiful from the first moment we arrived. Looks like we will be here even longer, as the second construction company cleared away most of a hill and made a temporary wall. The wall collapsed and now their exhibit is under several feet of mud.
There was a party planned at our apartment complex last night (a pool party!!!!), but I'm pretty certain it was canceled!!!
We wouldn't have been able to attend even if we didn't have a tornado, as the new med schedule has Aramis taking 1 1/2 tabs at night, which means he sobs and see's monsters for about 15 minutes if we're careful, and then is asleep. It's an odd sort of existence, we all relax, eat supper, etc.....all the while Dad and I know that the minutes are counting down. Aramis will say: "I feel funny"....and I swear, you can hear the jeopardy theme song. MOVE.....get the 10 minutes required of nothing in his mouth, no water, toothpaste or food, pop the med in UNDER the tongue, confirm it's dissolved, then RUSH him into bed. He will start the crying, as the med is like Novocaine and makes his mouth numb, but he now can't drink for another 10 minutes. Wait, stroke his head, remind him to breathe, until he can drink and fall asleep immediately. That's how the med for his schizophrenia works. Isn't it fun?
He has his own camera, and always takes pictures. Well, we get loads of strange pictures and never knew why, other than: Aramis stinks at taking pictures. Since his med, he is now more lucid, hence: more articulate. So, he looks at me the other day and says: "You know, I try to take pictures of the monsters, but I can never get them. You know why? They aren't there! Only I see them in my head, so I never can catch them to show you. I'll have to draw a picture instead." Great kiddo! Now I know what's going on..........wow, from an 8 year old, how confusing it all must be for him.
Sometimes we tell him to "kick the monster in the knee" since the monsters pinch him, and we can't do anything about it. WE don't "see" them.....sorry luvie. I can rub your leg if you like, or your arm, as they really, really seem to like pinching his arms.
I am doing fantastic!!! Well, very, very excited that Amazon accepted my book, and within a short period of time (days!!!!) it will be available to Barnes and Nobel, etc. It's awesome.....but more work than writing a book! There are so many things that I need to sign, or do, or build, or provide......Well, at least I know what to expect for the second book that's in the making.
AND I'm hearing from all my therapist over the years, as well as professors who always told me to write, but I never thought for an instant that I could be "that" open and honest.
I had a strange, but positive experience when pottying the puppy this morning......I heard a new bird call. Then, Sidney (a little), had a flashback of those little Audubon made bird whistles. You know, red painted wood, with a key that you turn and makes a bird call? Well, I looked down, and I was turning an invisible "key" for one of those, and I realized that part of me recalled perfectly: I could FEEL the texture, shape and movement of the little bird whistle and I knew it was 197-something. BUT, I also knew it was 2012, I knew I was also an adult, and hearing the same sound now from a bird I've never heard in real life before. Amazing.......the psychiatrist says that it's because of the new med: Saphris.
I don't know.....I'm a little leery that they are "trying" it out.....so what if it's like Effexor was? Did you know that over 50% of the sell rights for Effexor was owned by members of the DSM board? They're not supposed to have an interest....but they can waive that right too. Husband and I learned that on a documentary from 1990.....so I don't know if the process has been changed since then. But my, oh my, were the docs sure pushing Effexor. The risks are simply too high with it now, and I won't ever touch it again. Still: leaves me wondering about Saphris.
But, it does make one hungry with minimal weight gain. That helps with the anorexia......I actually enjoy food now. The head games are still there, but I've learned if I sit down with the family, and focus on the here and now, I can ignore the messages from the past. They're there....but I FORCE myself to ignore them, and actually have some sort of intelligent conversation with the family.
That's about it.....everything is wet outside, giant puddles, and the trees look a bit overwhelmed. Aramis and I had a "date" planned to go fishing, but there is no way I'm going now! Hey, I might vacuum through my first tornado, but I do eventually learn!!!
Have a good day everyone....peaceful wishes to all, and a huge thanks for all the support during the book writing process. Kudos to you all!!!!
Shelly
Husband builds zoo and aquarium exhibits, so we travel the United States from location to location. This time, he is working at The Children's Arboretum, in Dallas, TX.
Yeas, our first tornado came through yesterday, touching down 12 times! Husbands work and our home was within a mile of touchdown locations, but we are absolutely fine. The birds are singing, and everything appears to have returned to the serenity that I am delighted to have discovered in the White Rock Lake region of Dallas!
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