Now, just for knowing that, I'm getting a cig, and will attempt to put my brain into gear. 

So, let me see: what happened yesterday? The boys lived through home schooling, and actually had minimal meltdowns. Aramis realized (albeit late in the day) that he did not have the amount of homework equivalent to a full time college student......okay, yeah, I wanted to say: "What in the world? You have the easiest stuff I've ever seen?! All because your med makes it hard to concentrate!!!!" But I was niiiiiice.......let him figure it out, and he was happier for going through the process himself. ( for the home school "work" they have to do.....geesh, it's not that hard!!!) 

No tornado's......they're just weird. One day here, the next day: gone. I'll get used to it I suppose, earthquakes are much the same way, although there are aftershocks.....apparently there are NOT after tornado's. But who knows? I do know I won't be outside vacuuming during the next one! 

Made the worst dinner in the history of dinners last night......took two boxes (different flavors) of what the boys call "Happy Hamburger", a pound of ground beef and leftover was gross. But, the family being the sweethearts they are: not one complained. This morning, as husband and I had our am coffee "date" together, I just had to confess: "Dinner was horrid last night!" He agreed...with a smile, but agreed. "Let's not have THAT ONE again!" Okay, so I don't bat a thousand at times........

Started research on my second book last night: I absolutely enjoy the night time, when the family is asleep. I get them all tucked in, one last clean of the house, and then the puppy and I trot out to the balcony. It's just quiet, and peaceful....the home is dark, with small lights glowing here and there, and I can think. It's wonderfully serene.....especially when I walk through and see each of their sleeping faces. Ahhhhh, the perfect time to write. But for now: just the research, as that takes a great deal of time, and really triggers the creative process. I keep getting ideas, and just jot them down as I go.....without the distractions I can really think and hear what my insiders have to say. 

I've heard from quite a few friends recently, as I rejoined Facebook.....that's a joy, PURE reconnect with people that I spent so much time with. It's great when you can pick up where you left off......and I must admit: I'm surprised at the support I've received regarding my book and the admission of DID. I mean: They didn't know I had it, as I never said anything. So, to tell the "secret" is a big scary deal, and much like a spider behind the toilet. He's not THAT big once you squish him. 

Aramis and Dad have a "date" to go fishing on Saturday....all day. I asked husband "don't you need time alone? How can I help you in making that happen?" His reply? "I don't like it when you guys are away, when you take your walks, I can't wait for you all to come back. I'm fine....I'm actually uncomfortable when the house is empty." 

Okay, well not me. And it's okay to accept that we are different. For me: when they leave, the number of people in the house is cut in half, well not proportionately, but is reduced at least. I actually spend some time meditating, as I have finally learned how to quiet everyone in my head....I love the quiet, the peacefulness of simply being centered. I feel balanced again, and that is worth more than anything else to me. So, he takes the boys out, and I get my time to meditate. 

I like to be alone....don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I also enjoy spending long periods of time alone.'s better than chocolate cake! I told him: "Well, at least know that this came from a place of love and support, but if you're communicating that you actually do not like to be alone, then no problem. Just wanted to check in." Odd how two people see the world completely differently, but it shouldn't be "odd" people are truly different.

Aramis is much more lucid now, so I keep hearing his interpretations of the world around him. "It's strange how our legs work". Okay???? Why? "Well they stand straight, but can bend. See?......." He's just simply aware of so much more now. However, he still sees spots all day long, and says to "worry just a little bit about it Mom.....maybe tell the psychiatrist". Well, I think I shall. ;) 

However, his writing skills have been absolutely shredded....I'm not talking about creative writing, that was lost a little while ago, but now: it's the ability to form letters that he used to have mastered. Another thing to figure out with the psychiatrist....we see him in two weeks, so we'll see what he says. May be another med, or increase in dosage. I don't know.......just wait and see. For now: I have to write everything in pencil, and then have him trace. We did this in Kindergarten! But, he doesn't have a clue that it's a skill he lost, and when he does have to do independent writing, he ends up struggling. Still: I just blame it on the doctor, telling him the doctor wants to see how he writes "with help" and "without help". He then can settle basically three crying sessions yesterday because the "fingers won't work". They work, it's how his mind sees the letters that concerns me.'s another one of those: wait and see the doc (time) situations. I can wait...and keep being patient. 

He can draw though.....they both enjoyed art yesterday. And math, well, it's slowly improving. The doctor told me at our last visit that Aramis may have developmental delays because of the schizophrenia, so he wants samples of his homework. I can do that.....and they're interesting to say the least. He can see one number, one letter, and for some reason, it needs eradication. Everything else, can be fine, but that one letter.....for some unknown reason: is obliterated. 

Dante is changing by the seems that my brothers and I matured physically early, and Matt can't remember what he did. BUT, I have a 9 year old who is changing before our very eyes. He now is aware of "girls", can understand humor on a deeper level, has strong opinions about politics, social structures, and society in general. He's dissecting philosophy, physics and the world around him.......he's not always right, but is adamant that he believes he is. He's easy in that regard, as I just let his ideas flow....he finds the answers and then is even more intrigued to uncover much more about life in general. If I didn't flow with his thoughts, he'd become discouraged with open dialog, and isn't that what we as adults actually do? We have ideas, thoughts, passions, and we share them......listening to others in the meantime. So, for now: we are working on the concept of "respect". 

Respect.....something that many of us never truly received as children.....and what a beautiful thing to explore with a young man. All the nuances to the very subject, and what it means, how we display it, who deserves it, who doesn't (very few people really), and how to appropriately handle those situations. It's a much more complicated lesson than one would imagine. 

Well, that's about it from my corner of the world here in Texas.....still, IMHO the most beautiful place I've ever seen. 

Let's see if I can do a little better with dinner tonight!!!!!

Wishing everyone peace and joy can find it.......I'm certain it will be there, we just have to look. And Anna: you are very, very special! 

Have a good day everyone, 


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    Shelly Dowen-Johnson

    I am currently traveling with my husband across the United States, due to the nature of the work he does. 

    I am the mother of two boys, one who has recently been diagnosed with Early Onset Childhood Schizophrenia (Schizoaffective Disorder). 

    It appears the Dowen family gene sequencing contributes much more than the darling dimples both boys have inherited!  But, as always, with love, tender care and support....we will thrive! 


    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012