Okay, so I sorta lost a day I think....I know we wrote yesterday. I think.....

It's......drum roll: Thursday. Ahhhh, Thursday already?

Well, yesterday went from bad to worse......remember ages ago when I ended up in the hospital? Well, it was then that the powers that be determined that I needed 60mg of Citalopram, not 40mg. That amount was waaay too low. So, years later, this pdoc wants it at 40mg. By the time husband got home the spins had gone into nausea, severe migraine, crying (I don't cry, and especially not over commercials!), and the shakes really bad. He freaked as much as the "Oak Door" freaks......I tried everything: a shower, laying down really, really still, eating, (which was a baaaad idea) and husband walks in with sushi. I don't turn down sushi........last night? It looked like power bait.

He immediately goes over all my medications, and asks why I have Klonopin left over? The pdoc said to skip the afternoon dose. He asked what day it was, etc......and told me I was giving three different answers to each question. Some answers I didn't even have, but I knew I was in bad shape. I'm an active person, not "sick" like this.......he said I was two steps to going back to the hospital. Soooo, he did the math, this all started when the doc changed medication, dropping the Citalopram 20mg, and asked if I called the pdoc? I remember that, I did call the pdoc. Husband says to take the 60mg, and be very assertive with the pdoc about this. Took hours for the spins to stop, let alone everything else. So, I guess, as the pdoc puts it I'm "fine with medication", that this medication must be 60mg. To give him credit, he did say to call immediately if there was a reaction. I wonder if he realized that "a reaction" could be so debilitating that clarity would be shot by midnight? I had the worse night........

But feel better today. Head still hurts, yes: I know, it's withdrawals, but geeze louis, not a good place to plunk a DID'er. Not this one at least. I'll get a phone call from the pdoc today, and will end up going in AGAIN next week to have it all corrected. If I had a nickle for every time he said he was "sorry" for medication issues.......

And, a scary place to be with two boys.....the youngest wasn't pleased to say the least, planted himself on top of me until Dad got home. In some strange way I think he was trying to help. Hey, I went Monday thru last night, with the symptoms only getting worse. I know where I'd be today if husband didn't look things over.....back in the ward with the on call psych bumping the Citalopram back to 60mg. Glad husband was able to stay calm and do all the simple math. One and half tablets, vs one tablet, but one half tablet for the older boy, but what was it again for me? When was the RX filled, how many are left, what should be left........and of course the obligatory checking of arms. No damage....frankly I was too sick.

I didn't know. I keep a chart and mark it off during the day when we take our meds. The boys included, that way nothing gets confused. But all these medicine amount changes hit me like an angry Clydesdale horse. Not fun.........

I tried to sleep in, but youngest boy was scared and wanted to see me up and at 'em.......then he could calm down. Literally, he stood at the side of the bed staring. If I opened my eyes, he'd say: "I'm scared...I'm really scared, it's time for you to get up". Okay......but I'm moving slow today buddy, so don't ask for too much. I do feel much better today......and to think: the pdoc asked if I wanted to try out two different medications at the last visit? I said no to that....actually I said to stop playing around with what's working. He scared me with the heart issues....but hey, yesterday wasn't fun either. My head and eyes still ache from the dang migraine.

Boys are fine with their medications......the youngest just seems a little moody, but he's clingy to me and I was obviously getting sicker yesterday. That scares him every time......another reason to not mess with the medications that are working. When the Citalopram went from 80mg to 60mg, I only had benefits. This last jump was a baaaaad idea, 60mg to 40mg.

The inside girls are all tucked back into their safe little rooms......when I started seeing double, they didn't like the outside world very much. They'll come back out later.....when it all seems safe again.

Well, that's all folks......with all that going on, there's not much more to say. THAT was yesterday.....today appears much better.

But sushi still sounds like power bait....so glad I didn't attempt to eat it. Dry crackers was all I could get down.

Looks like Manhattan is still in the plans.....wonder what the pdoc there will want to do? I definitely need to be more assertive after this last episode.

Hope you're all well.......

have a peaceful day today.


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    Shelly Dowen-Johnson

    I am currently traveling with my husband across the United States, due to the nature of the work he does. 

    I am the mother of two boys, one who has recently been diagnosed with Early Onset Childhood Schizophrenia (Schizoaffective Disorder). 

    It appears the Dowen family gene sequencing contributes much more than the darling dimples both boys have inherited!  But, as always, with love, tender care and support....we will thrive! 


    June 2012
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    April 2012